if any normal person read my tumblr, they’ll think I have problems… I probably do but I get by :)
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My first breakdown in a few months. thats because a very special girl has accepted the offer of being my girlfriend. but right now, she’s asleep. so i thought i’d just open up here.
i’ve just spent the last 20 minutes cradling myself by my door. i felt safe, safe from the world. it made me think of my situation.
first my computer would start, then it crashed… 27 times. so that made me unable complete and submit my assignment, causing me to get a maximum of Pass on two modules. this might cause me to get MMP on my overal grade. university requires MMM. i need to check tomorrow what grade i could get. im livid. this means alot to me now and i might not be able to go. i phone the girlfriend up for some company but shes tired so i let her go sleep, so i was alone. i ended up emailing my tutor tuen cradling. now i may have potentially ruined accomodation for my friends, and now i have other things running through my head.
how will i put money for a deposit on the house, or help buy stuff for it, or how will i pay my phone bill and brother in law, how will i pay for kickboxing and how will i pay for my train to stafford. all of which i cant. i got given £310 for christmas and my holiday pay and for.my provisional. i now have £6 left all of which will be spent on a hair cut. i spent £35 on my girlfriend, £50 on my provisional, a few days out and i now have nothing. i highly doubt i will get a job anytime soon. and i have this thought that scares the life out of me, everytime i get upset or angry i just feel im a step close losing laura. shes my world, oh god im crying agaon, cant see my screen. i love her so much. i know i wont lose her i just sometimes get the feeling, ive never had a girlfriend like her, i just feel shes too good. i will from nowon, cherish her more and more. i cant afford to lose her, i need her.
going to get sleep or at least try to sleep this off
and laura if you read this, i love you so much, i want this to last forever and i will do my best to keep you. i need you. will try and get money for stuff. i love you
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